Learning to speak hookup Learning to Speak Hookup: A Pocket Phrasebook Learning to Speak Hookup: A Pocket Phrasebook

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Because physical intimacy comes before emotional intimacy when hooking up, it can be difficult to interpret communication. You may be discussing something personal with someone you don’t really know very well. Here are 30 common phrases to help you navigate these murky waters. If this reminds you of the guy you’re interested in, it’s time to jump ship.

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1. I would be a terrible boyfriend.
I have no interest in making plans, being reliable or meeting your family.

2. I’m not looking for anything serious right now.
Sex, sex, sex.

3. I don’t waste my time going after the girls that everybody else wants.
I consider you a 5 out of 10, but it won’t matter with the lights off.

4. I don’t care what the f**k you do!
You’re really upsetting me right now.

5. Sex doesn’t have to be that big a deal.
I don’t understand why girls can’t enjoy no-strings sex. It’s awesome!

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6. I hate drama.
I don’t want to have any long talks at any time about any subject.

7. Maybe I’ll give you a call later.
After I have fun on my own, I may swing by to hook up.

8. Are you sure you want to wear that?
Guys are going to be staring at you all night. I don’t want to deal with it.

9. Lots of people just don’t get me, and I’m fine with that.
I’m telling you this now, so that when you hear I’m an asshole, you’ll give me the benefit of the doubt.

10. My ex is a total psycho/bitch.
She was always complaining that I treated her badly, and then she dumped me.

11. I just want to have fun with my friends.
Relationships are work, and I’m all about play.

12. Your friend ___________ is really hot.
I am so not into you that I’m tempted to ask you to be my wingman.

13. Why are you being such a bitch?
What? What did I do? You’re completely overreacting!

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14. Are you about to get your period? You look a little puffy.
I am all about the way you look. If that slides, I’m outta here.

15. Hey, did you come?
I don’t really care whether you got off or not, but I wanna be able to say you did.

16. I’m just really busy right now. OR I have a lot to deal with right now.
We’re done.

17. Actually, I’m kind of tired tonight.
We’re so done that I don’t even want you for sex anymore.

18. My ex and I still talk a lot, but only as friends.
I am so not done with my ex.

19. I can’t even make myself happy, how could I make you happy?
I’m a totally selfish bastard, and I’m never satisfied. I’m certainly not going to spend time figuring out what you want.

20. I forgot.
I don’t give a shit.

21. Your friends hate me.
Your friends are on to me, so I need to cultivate a little loyalty.

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22. I’m sorry you got mad.
You’re ridiculous, I didn’t do anything wrong. I’ll say this so you stop harassing me.

23. I really don’t want to get into it with you right now.
There is no reason for me to explain what I’m thinking or how I feel. I’d rather go to sleep.

24. Who was that texting you just now?
Who’s trying to pee in my territory?

25. Why are you asking me if I just want to be friends?
We are friends, that’s all we are!

26. You’re a fun girl.
Because you have sex, sex, sex.

27. My friends think you’re cool.
You’ve cleared the first hurdle. 99 to go.

28. I don’t really do long-distance relationships.
Unless they’re open.

29. I thought we might do something different tonight.
Like in that Jenna Jameson flick I’ve been watching. Are you down for anal?

30. Are we cool?
Do you agree not to make a scene and talk shit about me even though I’m totally screwing you over?

If you’re already fluent at Hookup, you know that uncomfortable feeling you get that something just isn’t right when a guy says these things to you. That’s your brain kicking in as your own relationship coach. Listen to her!

What did I leave out?

P.S. Next time I’ll give the guys some linguistic help.

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Opgericht: 19-10-2022
Gewijzigd: 06-09-2023
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